


Things unsaid (may still be written)

by falloffruth



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 2seung - Freeform, But mostly fluff, Confessions, Crushes, Fluff, M/M, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5613421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloffruth/pseuds/falloffruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Seungkwan’s diary (complete with multiple melodramatic rants about his absolutely infuriating crush on a certain Choi Seungcheol) goes missing, and Seungkwan (rather understandably) panics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things unsaid (may still be written)

**Author's Note:**

> I used to be Jeongcheol trash, and then somehow 2seung came and took over my heart without me realising. And I was starting to despair over the lack of fic for them, but then I remembered that you should write the fic you want to see in the world, so I attempted to and this is the result! Fun fact: I’ve started writing a lot of things over the years, stories and fics and drabbles and even a nanowrimo project, but this is actually the first thing I’ve ever managed to finish. Literally ever. And honestly I have no idea if it’s any good because I’ve just been re-reading and editing to the point that words don’t quite look like words anymore, but I've been working on it for three weeks (I'm such a slow writer OTL) and I was determined to finish it before I went back to uni, so I figured I might as well upload now. Even if it’s not amazing, I’ve got to start somewhere, right? So I hope you enjoy reading it~
> 
> (Warnings for possibly messy characterisation, unnecessarily long sentences, overuse of adverbs, adjectives and brackets, and a general excess of mushiness)
> 
> Cross-posted to tumblr

 

In retrospect, Seungkwan seriously should have realised that keeping a private, secret filled, for-his-eyes-ONLY-diary while living with twelve nosy teenage boys was a bad idea. Like a seriously bad idea. A no-way-in-hell-can-this-end-well-Seungkwan-what-in-the-world-are-you-thinking level bad idea. But of course, he only realises this far too late, at two am on a Tuesday morning, when he reaches into the gap between the back of the wardrobe and the wall where he usually keeps the diary hidden, and finds the space empty.

For a few seconds he almost forgets how to breathe. He presses himself flat against the floor so he can actually peer into the little gap himself, praying that it’s just slipped a bit further back. But a thorough examination only confirms his initial fears, and suddenly Seungkwan’s problem switches from trying to remember how to breathe to attempting to calm himself down before he starts hyperventilating, because _holy shit someone else in the dorm is currently in possession of his diary._

He’s so screwed.

It’s not even as if the majority of the diary’s content is particularly incriminating. At least 80% of it is filled with random anecdotes from each day, bits of gossip and the odd joke or prank he wants to remember, interspersed with occasional rants about the other members (like when Seokmin’s stolen his favourite socks _again_ ) or personal outbursts that he sometimes writes at 3am in the morning when he doesn’t want to trouble anyone else with his thoughts but he needs a way to get the feelings out before they explode inside of him. And sure, the idea of one of the other members reading those private thoughts laid bare like that is a somewhat embarrassing and more than a little invasive, but Seungkwan’s pretty sure he could deal with that. That’s not the issue.

No, the main problem is that the remaining approximately 20% of the material consists of Seungkwan’s contemplation of his utterly infuriating, incomprehensible and unfortunately ever increasing crush on a certain Choi Seungcheol.

Seungkwan’s not entirely sure when exactly it started. The seeds had probably been planted somewhere back in their trainee days, before Seungcheol was S Coups, before he was leader in any official capacity, back when he was just Seungkwan’s dorky, overprotective hyung who’d tease him to the point of irritation and was clingier than a cuddle starved koala. And he was exasperating, and Seungkwan would attempt to protest at Seungcheol’s smothering affections, but the protests were only ever half hearted, because despite the fact that Seungcheol was embarrassing and sometimes a tiny bit annoying, he only ever had good intentions. He was sincere and he was kind, and even though he fussed like a mother hen it was obvious that he was just trying his best to take care of the younger members (when he was barely any more than a kid himself; being an idol trainee forced them all to grow up too quickly).

And it was reassuring. It was reassuring to know that there was someone looking out for him, that there was someone who would support him and encourage him and try to protect him even all these miles away from his family and his home. So even though Seungkwan would tease back as good as he got (and never admit just how much he enjoyed the playful bickering) and try to wriggle out of Seungcheol’s suffocating strangleholds, every time Seungcheol draped his arms around him he’d usually only ever resist for a few seconds before relaxing and letting himself be held and reaching up to cling onto Seungcheol’s hands, because it was warm and sweet and familiar and comforting.

The problem was, somewhere along the weeks and months, the little touches and hugs had stopped just being familiar and comforting and had started sending little warm electric tingles through Seungkwan’s limbs each time they made contact. And when Seungcheol teased him on broadcast, or chased him around the practice room, or sneaked up behind him when he wasn’t looking and tickled him until he begged for mercy he stopped feeling amused (or exasperated, depending on when and where and how much sleep he was running on at the time), and instead his stomach started to tie itself in knots with little excitable butterflies. And sure, Seungkwan would never have denied the fact he thought Seungcheol was pretty cute (he’d figured out he was attracted to guys as well as girls back in 5th grade when he’d been overcome with a short lived crush on the older boy next door, and even if that hadn’t been the case it wasn’t as if he had to be gay to notice that another boy was attractive). But after a few occasions when he’d gotten a little bit distracted by the sparkle in Seungcheol’s eyes, or when he’d found himself getting inexplicable warm fuzzy feelings in his stomach just because Seungcheol’s toothy, eye-crinkling genuine smile was just too damn beautiful… well, even Seungkwan had to admit that he might have a slight problem.  And when he started to feel this weird, totally irrational jealousy when he saw Seungcheol goofing around with Seokmin, or chatting with Jihoon in the minibus or attempting to braid Jeonghan’s hair in the dorms, Seungkwan realised that maybe he was a more than a tiny bit screwed, and that somewhere along the lines, he’d developed an actual, literal, absolutely ridiculous crush on Choi Seungcheol.

And it was ridiculous. Seungkwan _knew_ it was ridiculous, knew he was head-over-heels with a puppy crush infatuation on a hyung who treated him exactly the same as any other dongsaeng. Okay so sure, Seungkwan was pretty sure that Seungcheol picked on him more than any of the other members, but that was probably just because his (admittedly somewhat exaggerated) overdramatic reactions made him an entertaining target.

There had been a few incidents though that had made him wonder if maybe, just _maybe_ , his crush wasn’t entirely unreciprocated. There had been that time when Seungkwan had nearly wrecked his voice from over-practice when they had an important performance the next day (and an actual live vocal performance at that, not a lip-synced one) and Seungcheol had sneaked out of the dorms at three in the morning just to get him some honey tea for his throat. There’d been that weird incident when Seungcheol had kissed him on the cheek during an Andromeda broadcast, completely unexpectedly and for absolutely no reason other than to prove a point, and sure Seungcheol was free with his skinship, but not even _he_ was usually that close. For once, Seungkwan’s reaction of shock had been entirely genuine, and not at all played up for the cameras. And there’d been that one night, after practice had gone disastrously and everyone had been yelled at by the managers, and Seungcheol had argued with Jihoon and the atmosphere in the dorm was thick with tension and anxiety, when Seungcheol slipped into the bunk next to Seungkwan instead of his usual mattress in the other room. He’d let Seungkwan stroke his hair while he tried to hide the fact he was quietly crying into his pillow, and Seungkwan had woken to find that they’d fallen asleep holding hands. But he knew he’d been reading too much into it all. It was ridiculous, Seungcheol was like that with _everyone_. It was in his nature to be caring and clingy and altogether too damn close. It didn’t _mean_ anything, and none of it changed the fact that Seungcheol was three years older and very probably wasn’t even into guys, let alone him.

So Seungkwan had set out on a mission to get rid of this disastrous, ridiculous and _completely unwanted_ crush. He’d created an ultimate mopey “unrequited-love x getting-over-them” playlist (because it turned out having an extensive knowledge of cheesy love songs _did_ have its advantages). He’d tried to channel the majority of his energy into being the best mc and moodmaker for the group that he possibly could be, because it was something he was _good_ at and it was a way to distract himself. And he’d done his very best to squish down the completely unwarranted mushy feelings that started rising in his chest every single damn time Seungcheol spoke to him or hugged him, or even _smiled_ at him. But nothing had worked. And Seungcheol had still smothered him with affection the same way as he did everyone else, the same way he always had, except now the affection had stopped being comforting and started being just overwhelming. And all the thoughts and feelings were building up inside him and there was no one he quite trusted enough to tell them to (because gossip travelled almost as fast as food disappeared in the dorm, which was to say, very very fast indeed, and the last thing Seungkwan needed was for Seungcheol to find out how he felt). So with no one to turn to and no apparent solution to the situation in the foreseeable future, Seungkwan had done something which (in hindsight) was incredibly foolish, and had confided his feelings to his diary.

And now said diary (complete with multiple paragraphs melodramatically complaining about how infuriatingly cute Choi Seungcheol was, and how ridiculous it was that he could make Seungkwan’s heartbeat race just by hugging him like that, and how much Seungkwan _hated_ the fact that he was so absolutely, pathetically smitten) has gone missing.

Given the circumstances, it’s pretty understandable that Seungkwan is somewhat panicking

His initial thought (once he’s manage to calm down enough to actually address the situation in a rational manner) is to retrace his steps and check the location where he’d written in it last, just in case he’d forgotten to put it back in its usual hiding place.  But when he thinks about it, he’s _certain_ he can remember slipping it behind the wardrobe first thing in the morning, just before they’d left for their schedules (he’d been writing late the previous night and had hidden it under his pillow while he slept). So seeing as they’d only arrived back at the dorms an hour previously, whoever had stolen the diary must have done it pretty recently. A lot of the members could probably be ruled out too, Seungkwan realises as he thinks over the matter, as most of them had tumbled straight into their beds as soon as they’d returned. Some were still up though; as usual, Jihoon had shut himself up in the studio with the likely intentions of working until the not-so-early hours of the morning, and Seungcheol- and suddenly Seungkwan’s eyes fly open in shock as he remembers that just a few minutes previously he’d seen Seungcheol leaning against the kitchen counter, intently reading what had appeared at the time to be a little book. The small strands of worry that had lodged in his gut the second he realised his diary was missing transform into a fully-fledged knot of dread as he makes the horrifying connection, and he nearly trips over his own feet as he hurries towards the kitchen, hoping with every inch of his being that his conjecture is wrong.

But of course – _of course_ – it isn’t. When Seungkwan stumbles into the kitchen (though he’s managed to regulate his steps to the point that he hopes his panic isn’t too obvious) Seungcheol’s eyes snap up to meet his, and he looks so incredibly embarrassed and _guilty_ at the same time that Seungkwan doesn’t even have to look at the book in his hands to have his suspicions confirmed. But he looks anyway, and has to resist the urge to bury his head in his hands and scream because he had been praying so, so hard to be wrong, but no, that’s definitely his diary that Seungcheol’s holding, and it looks like he’s been reading it for a while.

There’s a large part of him that really wants to shout at Seungcheol, wants to yell at him that a diary is clearly meant to be private and he had no right to read it, and that he wasn’t _meant_ to read it, and that he’s an asshole for reading it, and how the hell did he even find it? But he’s conscious that the other members are sleeping in the room next door, and even if they weren’t there’s a lump of embarrassment in his throat blocking his words, and after they stare at each other in uncomfortable silence for what feels like minutes (but is probably only a few seconds) all he can manage to choke out is a quiet “Hyung, can you please give that back to me?”

Seungcheol looks incredibly apologetic as he immediately passes the offending book across to Seungkwan, who forces it into the back pocket of his jeans in a futile (and pretty belated) attempt to hide it again. “I’m really sorry,” Seungcheol says, his now empty hands awkwardly stuffed into his pockets but his eyes not wavering from Seungkwan’s. “I dropped all my change on the floor and some of it rolled behind the back of the cupboard and I knocked this out while I was trying to collect it. It fell open and I saw my name written in it, and, well, I was really curious so I started reading. I should have stopped when I realised what it was but…” The words “but I didn’t” remain unsaid, but the implications are clear and Seungkwan is starting to feel like he can’t breathe again.

“So… you know then?” he asks when it becomes apparent that Seungcheol is reluctant to say any more, and Seungkwan doesn’t want to hear the answer, is pretty sure of the answer anyway, but he needs to _know._

Seungcheol doesn’t reply, but the way he bites his lip and looks at his feet instead of meeting Seungkwan’s eyes is answer enough, and Seungkwan feels like he’s going to combust from mortification or something because he can’t believe this is happening to him. “Oh god,” he blurts, and finally gives in to the desire to bury his face in his hands. “Oh god, oh god, I’m really sorry and I know it’s ridiculous and I’m ridiculous, and I know it’s probably asking too much for you to try to forget you ever read it, but… please don’t hate me hyung.” Because if he’s honest with himself, this is what he’s scared of. He can deal with unreciprocated feelings. It’s miserable and it _sucks_ , but he can live with it, and given time, he’s sure it’ll pass eventually. But now everything’s gone wrong, and there’s a small part of him that’s really, really scared this is going to damage things between them, perhaps irreparably. That it might make things awkward and create a distance between them. Seungcheol isn’t just his hyung, he’s a good friend, he’s someone Seungkwan trusts implicitly and looks up to, someone he depends upon more than he’s likely to admit, and now he could lose him and all over a stupid, stupid crush. There’s a pressure in his chest and he kinda wants to cry.

Caught up in imagining worst case scenarios, Seungkwan doesn’t even realise that Seungcheol has moved to stand beside him until he registers the sudden feeling of Seungcheol’s hand rubbing comforting circles on his back. “Hey, hey, of course I don’t hate you” he says quietly, his voice low and soothing next to Seungkwan’s left ear. “I could never hate you, you don’t need to worry about that.” There seems to be a note of hesitance in Seungcheol’s voice though, like there’s something else he wants to say. Seungkwan knows he might be imagining it, knows he’s probably reading too much into it. But Seungcheol’s hand is warm and comforting on his back, and the words are reassuring, helping the knot of stress in his stomach loosen a little, and even though he’s still embarrassed and nervous, he figures if Seungcheol already knows something about his crush then he doesn’t have anything to lose by saying what he’s about to say. And if there’s even the slightest chance… he’d rather take a risk than regret it later. So he drags up all the courage he can find, pulls his hands away from his face, turns to face the other boy (trying to ignore the fact that his leg muscles have turned to jelly), and allows all his feelings to come tumbling out of his mouth.

“You weren’t ever meant to read any of that hyung,” he says, happy that he at least manages to keep his voice relatively steady. “But since you’ve already read some of it then I’d really prefer you to know everything,” Seungcheol looks like he wants to interrupt but Seungkwan knows that if he stops now he’ll lose all his nerve so he keeps talking. “I’m not sure how much you read and how much you were able to figure out, but… I really like you hyung. Like, a lot. And it’s really frustrating because my stomach does flips when you talk to me, and when you hug me I just feel really safe, and I want to be around you all the time because you make me feel special. I know you treat me the same as everyone else and you probably think of me the same as everyone else, but you make me feel like I really matter.” Seungcheol’s expression isn’t giving anything away but Seungkwan keeps talking because even though it’s embarrassing now he’s started being honest about his feelings he can’t seem to stop. “And I care about you a lot hyung, I really do and I want you to be happy, and I know you never sleep enough because you’re always working too hard and worrying about all of us and that makes _me_ worry. And you try so hard to take care of everybody, and I just wish you’d let m-…” he stumbles on the words, but keeps going. “Let _someone_ take care of you instead for once and… I just really like you. And I completely understand if you don’t like me back, but I wanted to tell you that myself.”

He can’t look at Seungcheol once he’s finished speaking. He stares at his shoes and waits for the certain rejection. But at least now he would _know_ – sure, it would be a little bit crushing, and he couldn’t even go away and drown himself in chocolate to help deal because of this stupid diet he was on, but at least then he could use the heartbreak as motivation to move on to face a life where he didn’t have to deal with stupid crushes on stupid boys who were too handsome and adorable and caring for their own good. He waits, head down, for the pat on the shoulder and the inevitable rebuff – but it never comes

Instead a gentle hand is cupping his chin, tilting his head up so his eyes meet Seungcheol’s gaze. And Seungcheol’s expression is filled with hesitation and uncertainty, but there’s a firm resolve in his hold as he pulls Seungkwan into a hug and softly presses his lips to the younger boy’s forehead.

“You are special,” he says quietly, so quietly Seungkwan has to strain to hear it. “You’re special to me, so much more than you realise,” and even though it’s a muffled confession mumbled into the top of his head Seungkwan feels like there are fireworks exploding somewhere in his chest, because _holy shit, is Seungcheol implying that he likes him back?_

“Do… do you mean….” he stutters out as he pulls back enough to look Seungcheol in the eye again. He can’t seem to find the words to finish the sentence, but Seungcheol seems to understand his meaning anyway because he’s smiling and nodding. “I really like you too, Seungkwan-ah,” he says softly. “You’re kind, and you’re funny, and incredibly talented and you’ve got a bigger heart than most people give you credit for. And just being around you is enough to make my day brighter. You’ve given me the strength I need to keep going, so many times, and I’m not sure what I’d do without you.” He pauses and sighs quietly for a second. “I never really intended to tell you any of this. I’m your hyung, I’m supposed to protect you, and I’d never want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable around me. But… well, I also never expected this to happen. And if you can be brave enough to confess, then I guess it’s only fair for me to do the same.”

Seungkwan’s pretty certain he would melt were he not somewhat frozen in shock because of all the possible outcomes, he never expected this one, barely even dared to _dream_ it. But it’s really happening, and Seungcheol is really there, looking at him with that ridiculous (and beautiful) adoring smile stretched over his face again, and Seungkwan thought he’d used up most of his courage earlier when he’d confessed, but there must have been a little left because he barely hesitates before doing what he’s wanted to do for so long, and leaning in to close the gap between them and softly press his lips to Seungcheol’s.

It’s a simple kiss, just the gentle movement of lips against lips, but Seungcheol’s arms are wrapped tightly around him, holding him close as he kisses back slowly and sweetly, and Seungkwan can feel every point where Seungcheol is pressed against him, can hear his heart beating in his chest. And he feels completely surrounded and warm and safe, and all the remaining knots of anxiety in his stomach have loosened to be replaced with a whole flock of butterflies, and he can feel Seungcheol smiling against his lips, and he’s smiling too, so widely it almost makes kissing impossible because he can’t quite believe this happening but he’s so, so happy that it is.

“You know,” Seungcheol says as they finally pull away, shy smiles still etched into both their faces, a bubble of happiness and contentment surrounding them in the dark and stillness of the dorm at night. “You should probably find a better hiding place for that diary.”

“That’s okay hyung” Seungkwan says as he leans against Seungcheol’s chest and buries his face in the other’s neck. “I can just tell you all my secrets instead.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> [I have a tumblr if you want to talk to me~](http://www.scoups-of-sunshine.tumblr.com)


End file.
